The Struggle

My feet sought their coverings this afternoon
While my heart was drowning in mirrors that looked as pert and tempting as love,
                                                                   
                                                                 the world

Caged within, pulled within I hardly felt the caresses of dead leaves
Whispering, wandering they led me to the cliff; I've seen this before
Phantoms from the past ascend, their protruding echoes sink into sensitive flesh
I suffer a scream as my body tears through; sounds of laughter glint off blood
The ground is wet. I stumble as I try to break free of the sudden cement surrounding me
Plastering and enveloping my movement, every panicked fist pounding for help goes unanswered
                                                                   
                                                                   Suffocating, on the verge of hollow lungs
They finally feel the switches, a blink and I'm back on my bed
I fill my chest with breath, wipe the sweat dripping down my brow
Weakened, the fresh wounds and violations feel too real
Burrow deeper under my covers, too afraid to clean myself in the sun's breath
                                                                   
                                                                   there's none anyway

Won't survive this again, rock bottom's the lowest a person can hit
I need help
Tried all different routes, they all lead back to this cell, this pit
I'm fractured, there's no hope. Should I just give up? Just close these swollen eyes...the relief
                                                                                       
Wait, there's yet time
                                                                  Something soothingly says

Something nudges a memory back into existence, an old promise
Something I haven't tried
Desperate, with nothing to lose I prepare for a final attempt
With a shout I gather up all my hope, all my faith, all my trust
Gathering everything I realise I still possess I push myself onto bloodied knees
With hands clasped tightly I pray. Tears roll down my cheeks
My torn soul begs for forgiveness, for relief, for another chance
My torn soul begs for You

Wait

What was that I just saw? That beam, that Light
That doesn't look like the usual evening company                       Its too warm
What is this feeling? A perfect feeling of peace washes over me
It's filling my core with sweet warmth, thawing out my fears and healing the deepest scars
Comforting fingertips gently brush the tears from my face; I can't help but laugh in pure joy
Dulcet tunes pierce the cold darkness holding me hostage and I breathe a first of many steady breaths
Strong arms carry me up to the sunshine, I'm surrounded by a perfect Force
I finally feel at home. I finally feel safe

You teach me Your ways, You show me Your ways
They're all perfect
You imbue me with Your perfect strength, Your perfect wisdom
You show me how to fight my demons. You show me that despite how weak I am, You can make me strong
You tell me that You were always there, that I never let You help until now
I hang my head in shame, but You lift my chin with a thought and tell me it doesn't matter now
"You're by My side now, and the future is Ours for the making"

O Love, you saved me from my sins, you saved me from myself
If the struggle is needed for us to find You
Then I choose the almost endless but ultimately mortal trials and nightmares of life
So I have the assurance of an eternity of perfect peace with You, my Love